Here I sit, same as ever. Take a dump, pull the lever. So it’s like 24/7 time and we’re like on TV and stuff. The air smells of tulips and Alex enjoys children in pain. But then again so do I. Alex and I are connected. CONNECTED. Maybe I should tell him. No, no. I’m gonna keep it hush hush. Shhh. The laptop I’m using says “widescreen” on top, as if I couldn’t figure it out! WHAT A CONDESCENDING PILE OF CRAPASS BRAGGGHHH!!!

-Vanessa Castoneidalz